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Cancer, Life's Challenges

A Cancer Story: Waiting for the Hammer to Fall

English: Multiple liver metastases.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Immediately after seeing the surgeon I was sent for a CAT scan. This would show if the cancer had metastasized to any other organs. The scan was no big deal, a lot of “hold your breath, now breathe, hold your breathe, breathe.” The hard part was waiting for the results.

And waiting.

And waiting.

It seemed like an eternity. The results would determine the final course we would take for treatment. They would also be the messengers of hope or doom.

A couple days later I got the results and they showed there was no visible metastasis.

But it was only the beginning. More tests would follow–x-rays, ultrasounds, internal ultrasounds, scopes, blood work–and more waiting for results. Waiting for the hammer to fall.

By the time I was diagnosed I’d worked in the medical field for nine years and now I knew what it was like to be the person whose life revolved around the next test, the next result. The waiting became almost unbearable, one day ran into another, but each test brought the surgery that much closer.

Through that jungle of tests and results and interpretations and explanations one truth pointed the way and guided my course.

Be still and know that I am God.

I’d repeat it to myself constantly. Frankly, the being still part was difficult. That peace that surpasses all understanding was hard to find. My worry meter was stuck on maximum. But the know that I am God part? Ah, now there was something tangible I could grab onto.

I knew that no matter how I felt about the situation, how I worried, how I fretted, how I impatiently waited for the next result, God was still God, He was still on the throne, He was still calling the shots, He still had me in the palm of his hand.

That was a truth emotions couldn’t manipulate. It was a lighthouse upon a solid rock in the midst of the storm beating against me.

What was the one truth you clung to when the waves swelled and the rain fell?

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About michaelkingbooks

I write stories of faith and family, love and loss, heartache and triumph. Here I blog about faith, relationships, and genuine living.

Discussion

7 thoughts on “A Cancer Story: Waiting for the Hammer to Fall

  1. Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” That even though I could not see control or order in the situation, I could be assured it wasn’t random, it was actually part of a plan and control and order were in far greater hands, God’s hands.

    Posted by John | August 20, 2012, 8:17 am
  2. First, before I comment on the blog, I am happy that your cat scan was clean of any signs of cancer. AND I also want to pray a blessing over you and your family. This is the Aaronic Blessing in Numbers 6: 24-26
    This is the NIV version:
    ‘“The LORD bless you
    and keep you;
    25 the LORD make his face shine upon you
    and be gracious to you;
    26 the LORD turn his face toward you
    and give you peace. ”’
    When this blessing is prayed, God is present and will give you such peace.

    Remember that His Word is a two edged sword, it is LIVING and POWERFUL (Hebrews 4:12).

    I wish I knew about that when I went through my troubles.

    “Be still, and know that I am God!” It is interesting that God is saying that to you. Most of the time He tells us to be still, is when our minds are swirling with thoughts and emotions and God wants to say something to us, but we are just too distressed to be still, and concentrate.

    My ordeal was several years ago. I was pregnant with my son, and received preliminary test results in the 4th month. I remember the nurse was telling me that the baby I was carrying did not have down syndrome (I breathed a sigh of relief) but that he tested positive for Trisomy 18. I had no idea what that was when she told me over the phone (I do now, after 100’s of hours of searching the internet and getting my hands on any books about this). I asked her to please explain in layman’s terms what Trisomy 18 is. She said that it basically means the baby is incompatible with life. That the baby will usually not make it to full term, and if it does will die shortly after being born…

    I was devastated! Instead of turning to God, I went to the internet and researched Trisomy 18. Hoping, that if my baby did have it there may be some way it could live.
    I worried, I feared, I was a MESS.

    Being a Christian, I knew I would not have an abortion no matter what. But there was the WAITING and WAITING and WAITING! In my 22nd week we could have an Amniocentesis test that would give us a 100% reliable answer, but there were certain risks with that too. My husband and I decided to wait.

    Time passed, I had to get up go to work, take care of my daughter…the every day things. Instead of dreaming what it would be like to have a new baby in the house, I was haunted with death. It was a large burden on my back that I took everywhere.

    I went on walks in the mornings before work and, not knowing how to pray because I was SO distressed, I just spoke psalm 100 out loud over and over again (I had memorized it prior to my pregnancy). I know that it calmed me, brought me closer to God and little things like my baby kicking in my belly would just delight me.
    Read psalm 100. Verse 3 says, know the Lord is God. If I was not so crazy with worry and would have JUST BEEN STILL, psalm 100 tells me HOW to get close to God. How to approach him…first by worshiping, then with thanksgiving and then with praise… I wish I had known then what I know now. GOD has equipped us with His Word so we don’t have to worry…we could use HIS WORD as a two edged sword and FIGHT the enemy.

    Cancer, or any disease is from Satan. Look at John 10:10 “The thief comes ONLY to steal and kill and destroy; I (JESUS) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Satan wants you to be afraid, and to worry and to destroy your life, but …..Jesus wants you to have a full and healthy and prosperous life. This is possible….because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world (1 John 4:4).

    What do you think God’s will is for YOUR healing? I know! He wants you to be healed! There is no doubt about it. Jesus healed EVERYONE who went to him for healing. He did not deny a single person. He was not able to do miracles in his home town because of their unbelief, but EVERY SINGLE person who came to Jesus for healing received it. Jesus is not a respecter of persons. Healing is for YOU.

    Think about the time when you were saved. All you had to do was confess and believe in your heart that Jesus died for your sins. Now, without a doubt you know when you die you will go to heaven. Well, Jesus not only died for our sins, he also died so that we may be healed (of soul and physically) too! Look at Psalm 103! What does it say?
    Psalm 103:1-5
    Praise the LORD, O my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
    2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
    3 who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
    4 who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
    5 who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

    It is not what you do for God, it is Who you ARE in God through the blood of Jesus.

    I thought the miracles from the book of ACTS was not for us during this time….but they are. Look at Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

    You are probably wondering what happened to my child during this pregnancy. After much waiting and ultrasounds and more waiting, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on March 17, 2008. He is alive and beautiful and I thank God for him every day.

    Since this ordeal, God has revealed much to me about healing in general. People always say, I wish I knew then what I know now….

    Michael, I believe that this Cancer will be a thing of the past, and you will NEVER have to worry about it again. You Will be here to raise your family and write your books.

    These are some really good Christian authors that wrote about healing that I think you may find helpful:

    “Glory Invasion: Walking Under An Open Heaven” by Mahesh Chavda and David Herzog
    Katie Souza (has several mp3 teachings on healing)
    Michael Hinson “To heal the Heart”

    Posted by Irina | August 20, 2012, 11:33 am
    • Irina, thank you so much for your words. I have received my healing, I believe. As of this writing, I’ve been cancer free for four years. I’m writing these blog posts as a reflection of what I went through and what I learned along the way. Thanks for your encouragament and blessings!

      Posted by michaelkingbooks | August 21, 2012, 5:36 am
      • Thanks be to God! I did not know this. I am so happy for you and your family.

        Posted by Irina | August 21, 2012, 2:42 pm
  3. “Be still and know that I am God” was the word from God that got us through the trying time just before and after the birth of my son. My wife was but on bed rest in the hospital for 10 days and that was constantly being brought to our minds, especially my wife. She had little choice but to be still. Thankfully God blessed us with an amazing little boy who is a great little guy.

    Posted by Shane Werlinger | August 20, 2012, 5:08 pm

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I have not been so deeply and utterly moved by a book in a very long time. A Thousand Sleepless Nights is a powerful and gripping novel that moved me greatly.
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