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Cancer, Life's Challenges, Uncategorized

A Cancer Story: Feeling Vulnerable

I came home from the hospital forty pounds lighter than when I was diagnosed. Mind you, I was never a big guy to start with. My weight loss was all too obvious. I was a sliver of my former self. And weak. So weak. I could barely walk from the car into the house.

The word for the next several months would be VULNERABLE. Suddenly, I had been removed from the safety of the hospital. I was sent home with this ileostomy that needed to be cared for, a bag that needed to be emptied several times a day. I still had terrible stomach cramps and wobbly legs. And there was still the fear (though not a very realistic one) that my incision would bust open and my intestines would unwind like a spring and decorate the floor.

But the most vulnerability had to do with my inability to protect my family. I was helpless and would kid with my wife about being a pencil-necked weakling. If anything happened, an emergency, a break-in, whatever, I would as helpful as a bag of sand. Correction, a half-full bag of sand. That scared me. As a man, I’m my family’s protector, but now the protector was the one needing the protecting. A tough pill to swallow for sure.

I was forced to put my total trust in God to be my family’s protector. He was all we had. For most of our life the trust we put in God is volitional, we choose to rely on Him or not to. It’s our call. But then there are those times when we really don’t have a choice. We’re backed into a corner and there’s no where to turn but toward Him. He’s it.

And you know what? That’s not a bad place to be. In fact, it’s the way it should be. All the time.

Was there a time when you were backed in to a corner and felt totally helpless? How did you react?


About michaelkingbooks

I write stories of faith and family, love and loss, heartache and triumph. Here I blog about faith, relationships, and genuine living.


10 thoughts on “A Cancer Story: Feeling Vulnerable

  1. I hate cancer! Wish it would go away forever!

    Posted by Light Friday | August 31, 2012, 7:01 am
    • You and me both . . .

      Posted by michaelkingbooks | August 31, 2012, 8:28 am
    • I also felt Vulnerable, even though i had my husband and family with me i felt alone, i can’t really explain why, the Cancer was happening to me, how could anyone else imagine how i was feeling, i was frightened, worried, 😦

      Posted by jane49 | August 31, 2012, 9:06 am
      • Jane, loneliness is a big issue. Others can try to empathize but unless you’ve gone through cancer you really don’t know what it’s like. Though you’re surrounded by others and have a wonderful caregiver you still feel like you’re battling this beast on your own.

        Posted by michaelkingbooks | August 31, 2012, 9:58 am
      • yes i know what you mean, i got to the stage where i could not speak about it, people cannot understand how you feel, every time i wanted to talk about what was worrying me, i kept it all to myself.

        Posted by jane49 | August 31, 2012, 3:31 pm
  2. Cancer …. I still don’t understand !

    Posted by | August 31, 2012, 8:54 am
  3. What a total blessing of life to have gone through this experience, to come out on the other side, stronger and with a witness to write and speak on it, giving God glory in the process for all he’s brought you through.

    It is true, you look weak in that photo. I’m sure you felt terrified, and all in; devastated by the blow this illness threw at you, both physically and mentally, but “God is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in time of trouble.” (Psalm 46-1) In the words of the Cowardly Lion; “Ain’t it da truth, Ain’t it da truth!”

    I commend you, Mike, as when you got past it, you had the courage, confidence and love for you Father, to give it all away to help someone else, through your book, ‘A Thousand Sleepless Nights’, through your blogs, and through your personal testimony, you allowed God to work in and through you, and turn it all to GOOD. Which reminds me of another verse: “I have a plan for you, says the Lord, A plan to prosper you, and not to harm you.” I know it may have felt like harm, but you’re here, and in so many ways, you’re stronger, especially spiritually, I’ll bet. What doesn’t kill us, makes us that way, so they say.

    What exactly have your received due to this struggle? And what, since you have received it, can you give that you couldn’t give before? What is the benefit from it all? I’m sure you can count so many blessings in your answers.

    I’m still reading ATSN–very slowly and deliberately. It has blessed me.

    Donnalynn Davis

    Posted by Donnalynn Davis | August 31, 2012, 9:31 am
    • Thank you, Donna for your words of encouragement. You speak the truth! I do count the cancer I went through to be a blessing. God has used it to glorify Himself so many times. And I am thankful for having gone through it. It’s one of those life experiences that defines who you are.

      Posted by michaelkingbooks | August 31, 2012, 10:01 am
  4. My mom had cancer when I was just a baby, so I hardly remember it but when she explains it, I empathize and it’s exactly what you say. It’s not something you get over but it’s makes you grateful for life or see it in a whole new light that most others would never understand. In a way I understand because of the lifelong disorder I have to deal with on a daily basis.
    But God will helpful fight the battles, even when you can’t left a finger or speak, He’s still speaking in you.

    Posted by Liza | August 31, 2012, 9:45 pm

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What readers are saying about A THOUSAND SLEEPLESS NIGHTS . . .

I have not been so deeply and utterly moved by a book in a very long time. A Thousand Sleepless Nights is a powerful and gripping novel that moved me greatly.
--Susan S.

A Thousand Sleeples Nights left me speechless as my heart and mind reconciled dealing with the trauma of cancer and a lifetime of regrets and finding God in the midst of it all. Sometimes a diagnosis of cancer can be God’s redemption.
--Jill J.

An emotionally steeped blessing of a story. One that pulled at my heart with one hand while holding a convicting mirror in the other.
--John U.

Great job. I hope and pray this book does for others what it did for me.
--Terri C.

I read A Thousand Sleepless Nights twice because it was that good. A very emotional story of a dysfunctional family, cancer, redemption and healing.
--Pat R.

I can really see how [this book] will be a blessing to many who have to face the devestation of cancer and loss.
--Tina H.

A Thousand Sleepless Nights will tug at your deepest emotions as it unfolds the evil of cancer and the power of relationships. The characters are endearing, real and relatable, as is the true battles they fight: illness, apathy, love, commitment and balancing life. King's novel strikes a vein, and sends hope to the heart of the matter--a fine read for anyone in need of healing.
--Donnalynn D.

This is a stirring novel that paints a great picture of cancer and its effects on not only those who have it, but their families and friends.
--Mark B.

A Thousand Sleepless Nights moved me so deeply I could not leave it alone until I’d read it completely. This bittersweet tale of illness--both physical and emotional--and the way lives are ultimately changed by its effects makes it a story for everyone, especially for those struggling to find forgiveness and healing.
--Claudette W.

A Thousand Sleepless Nights is a novel that touches you on a deep emotional level. It is a beautiful story about surviving, suffering, and what the true meaning of love is and how cancer, while devastating, can pull together a family torn apart by a past of neglect. A beautiful masterpiece!
--Joshua R.


August 2012
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